Online dating – or online fighting…?

arroganceI said in my last entry I had experienced men on dating websites to be one of four types: the weirdo; the arrogant twat; the arrogant twat who wants casual sex and the nice, potentially pleasant one.

I have recently had an encounter with the second type, in what can only be described as the most pointless conversation I have ever initiated.

When I saw James’s profile, I thought he had a nice looking face. When I looked through his pictures, I thought he looked a bit too slick and skinny and was in love with himself a bit too much.

See, when you are an arrogant twat, you will only use pictures of yourself, which make you look cool, rich, popular, fit and, most importantly, cool. Inevitably, one of your photos will show you wearing shades – expensive, branded ones, of course.

I read his introduction and started to think he was a bit weird. He starts talking about a lads’ holiday he is due to go on in Turkmenistan, where, he says, there aren’t a lot of women. They had all wanted to go to Falaraki, but the tickets were too expensive. But, “on the upside”, food is cheap and there are lot of goats – which are, he adds charmingly, not much different from the women in Falaraki anyway.

He somehow manages to slide into the topic of ‘things he doesn’t like’ very quickly. Among them is ‘Paying more for ‘air cushioned’ gym shoes…because they have more air in?’

When I realised the end of Jame’s essay about James was at least 43 downward scrolls away, I was positive – the guy was hugely self-obsessed

But when the end finally came, his arrogance made a sudden but proud appearance.

James kindly compiled a detailed guide for all the girls of this world of “things to avoid” when messaging him.

James is horrified by boring openers such as “Hello, how are you?” or dull small talk, which, in his words, “you can save for your elderly neighbour”.

He also urges the ladies to “get the message” if he does not respond and NOT message him twice.

He also does NOT care for chavvy language or compliments on his looks, eyes, smile or body – just, you know, be creative. Woo him.

Some boys and girls amongst you may be thinking: “Yeah, but, it is really annoying when people only write ‘Hi, how are you’ or keep messaging you, even if it’s obvious you’re not interested”.

But, is that really the worst thing that can happen to you? Too much interest? And what riled me up the most about James’s pre-emptive rejection was the presumption of his, almost intolerable, popularity and the aggressive tone in which he was addressing girls he hadn’t even met yet, and the arrogance with which he was fighting off waves of messages he hadn’t even received.

Have I received messages from guys I am not interested in? Yes, plenty. Is it frustrating? Yes, very. But not because they don’t say the right words, but because I am not interested.

How do I deal with it? I don’t reply. It’s really simple. Instead of replying, I don’t do it.

I was so stunned that my mouth was open for several seconds when reading James’s profile.

But then again, some self-confident boys, even some of my male friends, aren’t aware of just how arrogant they can come across. One of my friends once looked in the mirror the morning after a heavy night out and said: “I look great”. And when we recalled the singing he had done the previous night, he said: “I am a really good singer”. Before you ask, he wasn’t joking.

When I repeated his deluded sentences to him a couple of days later, he was mortified.

The same kind of nudge was all this James needed, I thought. Someone to point out a view from the other side, some feed-back.

So I sent him a friendly but clear message of what I thought. “Mate, you come across a tad arrogant, telling girls what not to do when messaging you on your profile,” I wrote.

(Those of you who know me will now be shaking their heads, saying or thinking “Oh Winnie!” and are hopefully smiling. If you are reading this with a stern expression on your faces, embarrassed for me and disgusted at my annoying need to blurt out my opinion wherever I am, I am sorry. I was born this way.)

I got a prompt response from James, but it wasn’t the “Oh shit, really? I will change it straight away. Thanks for the advice,” I had naively hoped for.

No, he apologised for “upsetting” me and then, just for my information, pasted a message he had received from a girl, who had been blown away by his “hilarious” profile, which, in her words, “deserved an award”.

I should have realised at that stage nothing I would say was likely to have any impact on this guy’s attitude. But, I thought: “Oh no, he doesn’t understand what I mean. I should clarify it to him”.

So, I sent another message. I asked him: “If you were in a bar and a girl came up to you and said ‘Hi, how are you?’, would you have the audacity to aggressively shout at her for not coming up with a more original opener, or would you smile at her, politely say ‘Hello!’ and see how the conversation goes?

“Assuming you will get inundated with messages on your profile and slagging off the people who send you messages makes you look like an arrogant twat,” I continued.

He promptly responded with yet another copied and pasted message from another girl who bought into his arrogance and was literally throwing herself at him. He also had a little come-back to my scenario.

“If you saw me in a bar, would you come up to me and call me an arrogant twat?,” he said.


If I saw any man shouting at a girl for not being his type, I would simply be unable to refrain from calling them an arrogant twat.

Note to self: starting arguments with arrogant twats on dating websites is utterly pointless.

But it makes for a funny blog.

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